According to psychologists here are 12 attitudes that men and women need to change in their way of communicating in order to better understand each other.
Men and women, we may speak the same language, but that doesn’t mean we understand each other. A study has shown that words and phrases can have different meanings for each of us when we speak. That’s why sometimes we cannot communicate without arguing, raising our voice or throwing pillows. But if you are ready to make a mental effort, you can learn to better communicate with your or your partner and avoid long-term misunderstandings, tears and grudges; it is enough to show a little psychological finesse.
Here are 12 tips to help you have a more harmonious relationship with your boss, a family member or your half.
1. Women: Do Not Read Between the Lines
It is proven that women seek more meaning from the messages they exchange with their partner. In other words, they tend to “read between the lines” and attribute values of intimacy and closeness to their partner’s words. Conversely, men are more direct and expect the conversation to be focused on one topic.
Our illustration above is an example of this. If the man says “we’re playing the semifinal today”, that’s what he’s thinking; he doesn’t mean “I’d rather be with my friends, you bore me!”
Understanding what the other expects from a conversation in a relationship will help overcome differences. This objective translation will also allow each member of the couple to feel cherished in the relationship. More information about this a little further in the article.
2. Men: Do Not Seek Advice, Just Listen
Ah! The famous “you’ll never understand… Maybe it would be better to turn it into” you do not understand why”.
Women tend to view communication as a way to explore their feelings and feel comforted by their partner, which means that they do not necessarily seek a solution. It is rather the journey and the conversation itself that matters to them. On the other hand, men tend to want to find clear solutions, useful advice, and they want to give them as quickly as possible. That is why couples have every interest in better understanding what the other is looking for. She wants to give her advice, but she just wants to be heard.
3. Women: Appreciate That They Seek to Comfort You
Men: act as if you care about her. A man will see a problem that needs to be solved and show interest in his partner by putting his energy to solve this problem for her. This means that he will begin to analyze, explore different problem-solving tactics and try to communicate them to him.
In the meantime, the woman will simply look for an attentive listener. The man could significantly improve the relationship by asking her sincere questions in order to better understand her and make sure she feels like she is being listened to (perhaps through some non-verbal cues).
4. Women: Understand That Men Also Appreciate Having Time for Themselves
Men are often accused of being uncommunicative or withdrawn to themselves, and at first glance this may seem true. But women can have a lot to gain from understanding the reasons for this behavior.
If your partner seems a little isolated, it probably means that he is taking a little break from his problems. These mini-holidays can take the form of a marathon of video games, series or reading. Don’t worry, give him some space. And make him feel like everything is going to be okay by letting him know that you trust him and that he has the situation well in hand.
5. Women: Try to Be Clearer About Your Intentions
Women and men are different in the way they say things to each other. Women are somewhat more indirect than men, they tend to avoid frontal accusations and may prefer to launch allegations instead. It would therefore be better for women to be more specific with their partner and that the latter deepen a little more what they are talking about exactly.
For example, instead of saying “I’m mad at what you said at dinner last night,” a woman will just opt for a sarcastic remark like “maybe you should think about being nicer during our dates”. This can lead to an unnecessary quarrel based on misunderstanding.
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6. Men: Make Sure She Knows You’re Listening to Her by Giving Her Feedback
Partners differ in their communication styles by verbal responses, physical contact and eye contact. In general, men do not insist much on reaffirming to their partner that they listen to it through eye contact or other verbal cues like “aha… Oh… hum… Yes…”. On the other hand, women emphasize this constant feedback to ensure that both parties are engaged in the conversation. Oral acquiescence can be very useful if you are a man.
7. Women: Try to See A Task as A Simple Task
Men: add a little romance to the task. Women engage by creating a climate of trust, first by speaking and then by participating in the tasks they will accomplish through that trust. Men tend to reject this discussion of confidence and RUSH directly to the fulfillment of the task. For example, if they have to work with their boss, they will do it even if they do not like it.
Both sides have everything to gain from stepping back and seeing how their partner behaves, and always acting with more empathy. They can both have the same goal in mind, but different ways to achieve it.
8. Women: Understand That Men Often Need to Do Something While They Talk
Men tend to communicate while doing things, and the activity itself is essential to foster the feeling that they can open up emotionally. Women, meanwhile, feel closer when talking – they can do without a secondary activity. If women admit this peculiarity of men, they will be able to understand that their partners need to do something during the discussion of a sensitive topic just to create a better mood.
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9. Men: Feel Free to Ask for Help
Men may have the impression that asking for help is a reflection of their inability to achieve something. In contrast, for women, offering advice is perceived as a sign of attention to someone else. To bridge this gap, it may be useful to be as clear as possible about your intentions, rather than letting your partner assume that you are looking to help her to signal her weakness.
As an example, let’s look at the illustration above. Imagine that he is on his computer and is trying to solve a problem. Don’t just say, “you’re doing it wrong; you need my help. Instead try saying, “I’ve already had this bug, you want me to look and see if I can fix it?”.
10. Women: Realize That Men Are Selective Listeners
Men are so-called “selective listeners”. This point echoes the previous one concerning men who seek to solve problems – they only listen to the time needed to ask for whatever they deem necessary to find a solution. Conversely, women appreciate verbal and non-verbal cues more and may be offended if these two elements are not present.
11. Women: Do Not Let Your Anger Accumulate
Men “compartmentalize”, while women see each dispute as part of a larger set. In other words, men have no problem having a dispute on a given topic, and then moving on to another topic without the first one remaining in their head. On the other hand, a woman is likely to postpone her anger to the next point on the list. It may be useful for both parties to understand that it is not just about “letting go” or forgetting. In reality, the two members of the couple simply understand the problems and relationships between them differently.
12. Women and Men: Welcome Your Partner’s Style of Communication
It is important to recognize that different people (regardless of gender) have different styles of communication. Some may be more committed communicators, be ready to take on challenges and be direct in their communication. Others may be more affiliated communicators, which means they like to ask others for advice, listen to all parties, and avoid conflicts. In short, do not forget that your partner is unique, just like yourself.
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In your opinion, what are the biggest challenges of communication between women and men? Give us your opinion, and share your experiences in the comments.