According to psychologists, it takes no more than a few seconds to make a first judgment on a person. And it’s very difficult to be able to change someone else’s image of you. Sometimes, when a fairly good friendly, romantic or working relationship has already been established, barriers to communication appear. Such situations are often caused by unpleasant little phrases with a hidden meaning that interlocutors use during their everyday exchanges and literally repel others.
At PathaThatFits, we decided to look at the most common toxic situations and how to manage them effectively.
1. “Without Wanting to Offend You, I…”
Pressure as a means of communication and the desire to assert oneself can take different forms and only ruin the image of the person. If you feel that someone is exerting pressure on you, do not hesitate to defend your personal limits: instead of justifying yourself, you must demonstrate your arguments without giving the impression of being too aggressive.
2. “It’s Nothing Compared To…”
Focusing only on differences kills a good conversation and damages the trust between the interlocutors. If you want to fit into a group of people you don’t know well or if you are among friends, you should always try to find out what your commonalities are. Suppose your friend talks to you about things that really matter to her (“after that, we went for a horse ride and hiking in the mountains “). You might find the subject uninteresting, but still avoid diverting the subject from its story to yourself (“it’s nothing compared to… “). Such a formula devalues his experience and emotions. There are a lot of respectful ways to say that you prefer slightly different hobbies.
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3. Claim Services Without Even Saying Hello: “Could You…”, “We Need It…”
Starting a conversation without greeting your interlocutor immediately spoils the impression you give. This is especially true for professional communication. Perhaps this is banal, but it is absolutely necessary to say hello first of all, otherwise the conversation will take the form of an emotional and unproductive exchange. If you understand that you are talking to a toxic person, the best attitude to adopt is to be emotionally neutral and always bring things back professionally.
4. “I Wouldn’t Buy That”
The overly categorical way of expressing yourself could repel all the people around you. When parents strictly forbid their young child to do something, it’s different. But if this is a conversation between two adult people, the too rigid way of looking at things could be considered a disrespect and contempt for the interlocutor. Everyone hates it when you treat them like that.
5. “Put Yourself in My Place”
Appealing to pity is one of the ploys of manipulators. We have to get out of such an unhealthy relationship. It is never good to be manipulated by phrases that are aimed only at arousing pity and a sense of guilt. No one is obliged to put himself in the place of others. It is better to say frankly to his partner:” I need your help.”
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6. “Believe Me, It’s Better This Way”
Mental manipulation under the guise of an act of love and affection is a very harmful strategy. The problem is that one is often under the spell of the manipulator, and it’s simple: his attitude is so considerate and attentive. But in fact, he only overwhelms you with his personal fears and complexes.
7. “See, I Told You So”, “I Knew It!”
When one of the interlocutors speaks in a moralizing tone, it cannot be a pleasant, sincere and light conversation. Mr. or Mrs. I-know-everything is a bad candidate for a lasting relationship and only annoys others.
8. “I’m Not A Chef, But Help Yourself”
Avoid false modesty and devaluation of your abilities so as not to interfere with others. It is better not to play the modest fake in front of your guests: they may think that you are short of money and feel uncomfortable. People rather prefer bragging, which seems to them more honest.
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Do you often hear these awkward phrases? What toxic formulas do you hate the most? Don’t hesitate to share your answers in the comments.