Rarely do wonderful reincarnations happen – before our eyes, a romantic and selfless husband, the head of the family, is born from an egoist and a selfish narcissist. He was made so by love, the birth of a child. However, reverse negative examples are more common – constant betrayal, assault. In this article I will explain can people change, and if yes, what it depends on?
General Information: Can People Change?
Disagreements and disputes arise from misunderstandings. Some require emotional changes from a partner, while others try to correct his habits, addictions, hobbies, and also remove negative factors – dependence on alcohol or cigarettes.
Meaning the whole set of changes, I will note: every person changes in the course of growing up, aging. These are natural changes in character (departure from infantilism to independence, acceptance of problems, responsibility for actions, and then for loved ones), which then lead to other habits. Unfortunately, not all people get rid of childhood traits completely.
Usually, in the period from 18 to 20 years, a character is formed, but some changes still occur in a person. Here are the most common methods of metamorphosis encountered in everyday life:
- Getting rid of bad habits and traits that the individual does not like about himself. Many people evaluate themselves, find what annoys them or loved ones in him, strive to fix it.
- With the advent of new knowledge, with the accumulation of information and life experience, a person’s point of view or completely thinking is lost. This can affect behavior.
- Difficult life situations – the death of a loved one, a serious illness, material bankruptcy. At such moments, both men and women become tougher, they can lose their infantilism and tenderness.
- Profession, study, personal relationships – all this leaves an imprint. Compare a guy at 18 to the same young man at 19 after the army.
- Social status and position in society impose on the personality of the framework, roles that eventually change the person himself.
- Throughout life, natural metamorphoses occur with the character. In some cases they can be controlled, in others they cannot.
Can People Change Over Time for the Sake of Loved Ones or Not?
Any person with a sufficiently developed willpower has the ability to change character traits and habits. Often this happens in a relationship because of the other person.
There are two main reasons:
Your own desire gets better. Often this happens in cases when the soul mate “pulls” up – she studies well, is more successful in her career, has no bad habits and shows an example of a healthy lifestyle, is erudite and well-read, and goes in for sports. With constant communication with such a person, the individual develops a natural desire to improve. Sometimes this happens imperceptibly and unconsciously: first, the approach to small things changes, then the look at rather large things.
Influence of women/men. Sometimes it is mild, in other cases – in the form of demands or even threats: “Choose – me or computer games?” Without a voluntary desire, changes are rarely qualitative and long-term. This is usually so – today he refuses the toy, tomorrow at work he wins back for the whole weekend.
By far the best way to change a loved one is to make it clear why he needs it. But do not demand, blackmail, threaten, take offense.
Possible Reasons Why a Person has Changed
I will describe a number of factors that influence metamorphosis better than persuasion of a neighbor:
Significant Shock. It can be good or bad. For example, the loss of a loved one with the awareness of the transience of life and the fact that you need to appreciate every moment. Or the birth of a child – this often makes a guy out of a grown man, increases the level of responsibility.
Spiritual Growth. Not all people improve. Unfortunately, some people get stuck at a certain stage and don’t go up. But others find the desire and strength to become better every day – they read, acquire new skills, and develop in this direction.
Life Situations, for example: job change, higher education, criminal record. Along with this, the environment, influences, as well as goals change.
Money. Both their absence and their presence in large quantities can change you a lot.
Middle age crisis. This term refers to the period for men about 40 years, when there is a reassessment of values. Often this is due to the fact that the family has already been created, the work has been one for a long time and has not changed, I want changes.
Serious Illnesses, Injuries, Accidents. The feeling of one’s own weakness, defenselessness and mortality is a strong motivator for change.
Religion and Other Beliefs, Ideologies.
External Factors: What Changes a Person?
To what acts from the outside include:
Environment. A person who is not far from megalopolises does not see a kind attitude towards himself, often goes out angry at the world. The second example is a teenager who grew up in direct contact with nature and livestock. He feels natural natural love, from childhood he is taught to take care of others, he treats those who are weaker with care.
People Who are Nearby. These are such traits as suggestibility – in part, everyone has it, but some people are more susceptible to unconsciously adopting qualities, habits, and others less. This is especially often the case with young boys and girls who have not yet found their path in life, have not defined their exact moral positions and views. But it also affects adults. If you communicate with someone for a long time, you can adopt his style of conversation, intonation, opinion.
Internal Factors That Act When a Person Changes
These are more complex mechanisms of the psyche. To begin with, each individual is already at birth endowed with a special temperament and personality traits – they can be developed or inhibited. If socialization in the course of growing up was successful, then under the influence of willpower and the desire to find one’s own “I” a pronounced character is born. This is the first change in the internal plan.
Then repeated changes should be triggered by the understanding that for self-realization, a successful career, relationships, you need to change something in yourself. Here the power of motivation and self-confidence comes to the rescue. Often, external and internal factors are closely intertwined or provoke each other.
What can Be Changed in a Person with The Help of Willpower?
Effort on oneself should not always be applied, but only with a conscious attempt to change. Let us remind you that sometimes everything happens on an unconscious level – it is more effective, efficient, long-term. When you need to push yourself, where does the motivation come from? If it is internal, then it is much stronger.
For example: if a person suffers from drug addiction, close people tell him: “Quit!”; “The employer no longer wants to tolerate truancy.”; “Beloved leaves with tears in her eyes.” All these are external factors, they provide very minimal motivation, so the addict does not make efforts. But when the realization comes that his life is getting worse every day due to the loss of employment and money, the departure of his beloved, an internal conscious need to change is born.
Most often, conscious work on yourself allows you to get rid of habits or character traits. It can be aggressiveness, isolation, stiffness, or, conversely, openness. But often people justify themselves by saying that this is an “innate temperament.” This wording only emphasizes laziness and lack of motivation.
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Can People Change, from The Point of View of Genetics
Of course, there are basic features that are laid down from birth. Basically they are predisposition, addiction, inclinations. They can be positive, such as sociability, a talent for drawing, or an analytical mind. There are children who, from one year of age, will first think carefully and then do it. It can also be negative – irritability and a weak nervous system.
A person himself is able to decide which inclinations to reveal and which ones to restrain. In childhood, this is facilitated by parents, but in adulthood, people themselves. Working on oneself will lead to the fact that, on the basis of an innate predisposition, talent can develop, a trait can improve. As a result, genetics provides only a basis, but the changes themselves depend on the individual.
Making Adjustments to Our Life: How to Change A Person?
To change someone, you first need to improve yourself. Let’s list three qualities that are worth working on and fixing:
- Dependence on someone else’s opinion. Often this is expressed in the abstract “What will people say”, in other cases in the need for advice, attitude, leadership. This trait is brought up in childhood by parents who do not allow the child to decide anything on their own, doing everything for him. This leads to low self-esteem, infantilism and inability to cope with problems, to make serious decisions.
- Fear of failure. Many do not start a new business, do not leave work for another place, do not abandon bad husbands, because they are afraid. This feeling prevents any self-development, makes you stand still. We need to take steps forward, not fearing the consequences, but predicting them.
- Depressive thoughts. When a person looks at everything negatively in advance, he does not notice the joy of life. Yes, there are problems, but they will seem less significant to you if you meet them with a smile and confidence in the future and in yourself.
Can Person Change for The Sake of A Loved One?
Oh sure. Usually, in the first year of a relationship, after a period of love, the stage of grinding begins. On it, you pay attention to the shortcomings, you have the first quarrels. Conflicts are mostly frivolous, because lovers, if this is a really adult and conscious relationship, try to please their other half. This happens unobtrusively – everyday habits, addictions to food or music change.
The second phase of change coincides with the period when the couple begins to live together. This is the time when communication becomes almost constant, therefore, disagreements can occur more often. Usually, there are already more conscious changes – compromises. If the lovers go through this period successfully, we can talk about the incipient love.
In an already married couple, problems due to a bad character or habits are much less common. But they change them with the help of a heart-to-heart conversation, as well as through a gentle gradual impact.
The main problem of those women who believe that their lover has not changed is that they very early, almost immediately after they meet, begin to demand, not wanting to adapt to him on their own. But the real grinding is based on mutual compromises.
The second problem is that people converge too quickly, start living together. Sometimes this is premature.
Is It Possible to Change a Person for The Better or Is It Impossible?
It will work for those people who themselves have these good features. Let’s take an unsuccessful example: a girl claims that her boyfriend is selfish and does not give her gifts, but she herself is also selfish and narcissistic. In the opposite situation, the beloved does not make demands, but she gives all herself to the relationship. This behavior leads to the fact that the young man himself seeks to surround such a girl with care.
You cannot demand from your spouse to stop drinking beer in the evenings if you yourself do not lead a healthy lifestyle. You need to set a good example – only that works.
What can Be Changed in A Person?
Household habits are adjusted worst of all. They take years to develop and are often harmless. The person himself may not perceive them from the negative side, therefore he completely refuses to put the toothbrush in another place (lower the toilet seat, cover the food with a lid in the microwave). It is better to put up with such trifles or bide the time.
But behavior and character are well corrected. But only on condition that the owner of the qualities himself wants it. Help him, support him so that the changes take place as smoothly and imperceptibly as possible, without stress. The best results are those that have been achieved gradually.
You may also like to read: Change Your Life: How to Change Your Life Completely within 30 Days?
In this article I gave my opinion as a psychologist and talked about whether people can change or not. Explained how you can influence the personality from the inside and from the outside. If you like this post, please share it to your friends and social community. You may follow us on social media Twitter, Facebook or Telegram Channel to stay updated and read the more articles like this.