You know that we are all strikingly similar? And three words unite us: fear, insecurity and laziness. What is it, how to deal with it, how to turn our weaknesses to your advantage? Let’s figure it out in this article.
The fear of failure is what first comes to mind, something that is easy to realize, state (and then hide behind it and do nothing). The fear of success is much harder to grasp, and yes, it turns out, it also sits in many of us. This is about the fact that someone from our environment may not like our success, that the higher you sit, the more painful it is to fall, that we will be closely scrutinized, that we will not be able to repeat our triumph, that we do not deserve it.
You need to know one important thing about fear: everyone is afraid, every one of us is afraid, fear is inherent in us by nature, this is an instinct for self-preservation. Everything that we do not know should scare us, it is a guarantee of survival. Those who do and succeed move forward despite their fears. And it is not at all the one who is not afraid that dares – this is, in principle, impossible for a healthy person, this is a physiological process. Dare is the one who knows how to manage their fears, how to find their reasons and work with them, when to listen to them and when not.
Instead of wasting energy trying to avoid fear, you can learn more about it, look it in the eye, accept it, and negotiate with them. There is a lot of information about this on the Internet, you can work with a psychologist with this, or, in the end, you can just close your eyes and jump into what you have long dreamed of. Not that it was easy, but if you are not afraid and easy to do something, then there is no growth and development in it.
Uncertainty in ourselves and our strengths, constant comparisons of ourselves with others not in our favor, a feeling of our own un-remarkableness and inconsistency – all this, to one degree or another, is experienced by most of us. In essence, insecurity is the fear of negative external evaluation. By themselves, our actions and even just being in public space presuppose that we will be watched and we will be given a certain verdict. It can be voiced out loud, or maybe not, but in a state of uncertainty inside our head we always expect the worst, we are convinced that people are silent out of politeness, but in fact everyone thinks very badly of us. In such a state, I really do not want to do anything so as not to add fuel to the fire.
The roots of insecurity, most often, in our childhood or adolescence, in some kind of traumatic experience that laid in us this, not the most pleasant way to look at ourselves. Someone was compared to a neighbor or classmate, who was always head and shoulders above, and someone was over-praised, making them internally shudder from their own inconsistency with these praises. Someone was labeled offensive labels by a partner, someone was not allowed to solve their problems on their own, convincing that it would end badly …
There are a million reasons, to deal with your own, to live this experience and reconsider your attitude towards yourself – this is the most valuable gift that you can give yourself. Indeed, by and large, our confidence or uncertainty is not associated with extra pounds, nor with our abilities, nor with our achievements. This is just a way to look at ourselves and assess our prospects, which is ingrained in our subconscious and which is difficult to reverse with a simple decision.
And now we have to train adults to think differently. As we develop mindfulness, notice how we are treating ourselves and consciously redirect our thoughts to the desired route instead of the usual. Giving ourselves the unconditional love that we didn’t receive fully as a child is a long journey, but there are also practical steps that can help and support.
In my opinion, first of all, confidence appears with the receipt of the result. The smallest results, successes in the chosen direction set a precedent for when we were able, we succeeded when we were not miserable losers. The more such precedents there are, the more faith in ourselves, and so, step by step, from small to large, we move forward and at some point, we find that we have become much more confident in ourselves. You’ve probably noticed this effect, for example, with weight loss. Confidence appears not when you reach the coveted figure, but when you just see progress, you understand that your efforts really bear fruit, that you can and you will achieve your goal, you just need to work hard. And you can start living a full life now.
Those who are consumed by insecurity from the inside should often remember that the one who does nothing has lost anyway. Any attempt, even one that ended in failure, is an experience and a step towards success. And if you care so much about what other people think, here’s a whole post about what to do with it. In the end, you still have a whole life with you, and these same people around you will forget about you the next day and will condemn someone else.
I’m too lazy to write this part, so excuse me. Seriously, laziness is actually a useful thing. It is worth making friends with her and learning to negotiate with her. Laziness is not only low motivation and all such nonsense. Sometimes it’s an intuition that tells you that you don’t have to actually do it. Sometimes this is an excuse to figure out how to optimize a boring or difficult task. Sometimes this is a signal that you need to first think about the upcoming business, and then take it and do it quickly and efficiently. Sometimes laziness is just pleasant, and why not enjoy this state a little?
Sometimes laziness is about the fact that our goals or supposedly our goals do not inspire us. Yes, we are faced with some tasks, but they are not close to us, their achievement will not give us true satisfaction. Or maybe the action bodes well for the success we fear? Or maybe we’re not sure we can handle it at all? That the goal is in our teeth, that it is for us … Fear, uncertainty and laziness are still accomplices, and laziness is always glad to act as a cover for his accomplices.
But sometimes, with the help of laziness, the body tells us that we are tired and we just need a rest! In no case should these signals be ignored; they are dangerous for physical and mental health. And in the modern world, many of us live in a state of chronic fatigue or emotional burnout and choose to ignore it. Perhaps you really do not have enough energy and tone, well, that’s how I, for example, need to do something with this: therapy, regimen, exercise, nutrition, spiritual practices, emphasize the necessary. Necessarily, through laziness, out of love for yourself.
Well, when laziness is “I have to do it, I have strength, but I can’t force myself,” then remember your goals, why you really got involved in all this, why do you need this result, imagine how you will feel when you’re done, and then break the nasty big tasks into small and easy ones. Often, laziness appears from simple disorientation, from the fact that we do not fully understand the task and do not know where to start.
The experience of completing tasks and completing tasks in itself makes the completion of new tasks more attractive, addicting us like a drug to this pleasant feeling. That is, laziness is a habit, a pattern of behavior, just like action is a pattern of behavior that you can instill in yourself.
The more I communicate with people, the more I learn about what is going on inside various projects and the heads that create them, the more I am convinced that, despite the uniqueness of each of us, we are all strikingly similar. Fear, insecurity and laziness are our best friends, but we are united by other words: love, dreams, hope! And may our bold dreams, our love for our work and our hope for success help us to move forward, not break down, overcome ourselves and come to terms with ourselves.
And let’s also help each other, because it is so important when someone can share with you, confidence in your future success, remind you how cool you are, and kick in the direction of your dreams in time, before laziness sucks you in. Therefore, catch my kick today, and if you have read this text, then you have no choice but to go and take at least one step today to achieve your goal.