How to break up with someone you love and at what point it is better to do it, each woman should decide for herself. The fact remains undeniable that maintaining a double relationship is tiresome for all men involved in this interaction, which means that not only the lady will be in a bad state. At a certain stage, a choice may arise or the situation will turn towards its own unwillingness or impossibility of such a continuation, despite all the advantages and expected development.
If you start a relationship showing your ability to betray without appreciating what you have, then it should be understood that the lover also considers you as a temporary option and all planning at night after the pleasure received about the development and deepening of interaction can only concern the first moment in order to maintain illusion. Parting happens, so it makes sense to end the unsuccessful relationship ourselves, doing it as correctly as possible, than to wait for an unexpected collapse.
The first step to break up with a lover is to recognize in your inner world your changes and unwillingness to continue, to see that you have not been chosen as the only woman. The lover is already sharing you with the other, which shows your minimal value and lack of responsibility for your destiny, perhaps, at the same time, he himself has other relationships. It may seem that this is equality – you do not owe anything, you two have an official relationship, but on the energy of continuation, priority and care, neither you nor your partner have completely chosen each other.
The buffer that helps to preserve the main relationship, to receive what does not give (or is not possible to ask) from a permanent partner, this is the desire to take without paying for the good of your own soul, the inability to return any experiences, an infantile position in building interaction.
When the thought “I want to break up with my lover” arises, then there should be questions about what the connection brought me, because then, without drawing any conclusions, you risk returning to an unsuccessful relationship, repeating the script ad infinitum. Before any radical changes, it is important to understand yourself and your needs, because no matter how frustrating the relationship is, it is optimal for satisfaction, and it is worth finding other more comfortable and nourishing ways for the soul to restore gaps in desires.
After you have identified your own needs, you need to look at your partner without various filters. According to the theory of systemic constellations, the lover is not the fate of a whole life, not met by coincidence before – it is simply the element that allows you to stabilize the relationship between spouses. He has his own unique set of negative habits, which can infuriate much more than the shortcomings of his husband, he can be extremely disgusting in everyday life, and seem ideal simply because you rarely see each other.
If a couple finds the ability to talk frankly with each other, to present needs not in the form of a scandal, but of necessity, then it often turns out that the third one is not needed, and evaporates by itself. You can get the same awareness without direct contact with others, but in your own head, using your imagination or with the help of a psychotherapist. As a result, you risk getting a not very pleasant image of not an ideal, but a very real person, with whom it is much easier to part.
How to Break Up Correctly?
I would like to find options on how to painlessly break up with your lover, but if you have feelings, then this is impossible. Break up without the slightest pain occurs naturally and independently, when intimacy is a consequence of formal reasons, which exclude the relationship of lovers, where two, on the contrary, overcome all conventions.
It will be painful, offensive and nostalgic from the end of this relationship, but you can still minimize psychological pain and not cause new psychotrauma.
Tips on how to break up with your lover might start with willpower and disappear altogether, but it’s better to take a break and decide why you need to end a relationship built on sincerity and natural feelings. We do not take into account those cases when a husband can blackmail with children, imprisonment or physical violence only in order to return his wife back, although in this option it is not worth leaving a loved one, returning to the tyrant, but it is worth thinking about a plan to break off relations with the involvement of law enforcement or legal structures.
Having made the decision to part with your lover, you need to find supporting facts for yourself, for which various lists of unsuccessful moments are good, and how your future, condition, and possibly development will suffer personally, if you do not stop now. This is a great way to part with your lover, if you have feelings – to turn on dry logical analysis and act, guided by strict calculation and care for your psycho-emotional state.
Here you do not need to look for excuses either to yourself or to him, what about the prospects, what reproaching yourself for getting involved in such a relationship. It is necessary to consider such a task not as an emotional drama, but as a disease – it does not matter the reason for the neighbor’s runny nose or hypothermia, you need to buy drops, vitamins and spend the next few days warm. You cannot dwell in your own explanations on the reasons and promises – plan a way out of this situation. If it’s hard to do it yourself, then enlist the support of your friends – from the outside you will receive not only effective advice, but also a different look, where you open completely different facets and be horrified where the passion has led.
Evaluate the degree of your experience from the intended conversation and always take care of your comfort. If you feel that you will not pull a personal meeting with your lover, make eye contact or change your mind when touched, you can always write a letter and hand it in person. The method is also suitable as training before a direct conversation – this will make it possible to think over your speech, prepare answers to expected questions (reasons and your own shortcomings are the most popular), and most importantly, work out the correct formulations that can minimize upset and leave a good attitude or not run into a scandal and a ruined reputation.
It is also a great method to get away from manipulators – you will not listen to persuasion and excuses, stories of how everything will work out and will be fine, you will not stumble upon manipulation of feelings. A break with a lover always involves more subtleties than a break in an official relationship, and many moments can be avoided by simply evaporating.
If it is difficult to part with your lover, then do not delay the time of the conversation, and the process of the breakup itself, and as soon as the decision has been made, delete the man himself from your life. Do not allow to call back and call in, change the sphere of hobbies and employment, block it on your phone and social networks – the ending must be total, otherwise you will soon be found in a common bed again.
Reorient your activities, devoting to the family and important promising matters, then he will simply have nowhere to wedge in after a conversation where you made it clear that you do not see the prospects of your connection, and you will build a fully new life with a rich spectrum of emotions. It is contraindicated to simply delete a person and leave all the time devoted to him empty, then you will soon be threatened with depression.
When parting with your lover, leave quickly, putting an end to one conversation, all the advice on how to start leading differently in order to reduce the intensity of feelings or bring a person to an independent solution to the breakup may not work. For example, after the appearance of a chill, someone may leave, and the other will begin to show more attention and call for marriage, this is all besides the torment of conscience, because you know that everything is over.
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How to Tell Your Lover You Want to Break Up?
The gap is already quite a difficult thing to wind up the multi-way from above. Honesty and openness are welcomed, no matter how it seems that a lie will soften the blow – it is necessary that a person does not have unnecessary illusions and doubts. When you leave, because your feelings are over, do not start to invent about the lack of prospects or the opposite of the sound of sneezing, it is better to honestly say that love has passed, because otherwise the person will try to eliminate his shortcomings, which will not lead to a good result. Choose language that describes the truth so that it doesn’t sound very painful or offensive, but choose the truth.
When talking about ending your romance, you do not need to go deep into details, list all the mistakes of a lover, or explain rather methodically half a million reasons for your decision. Be brief, talk about changing feelings or priorities, about changing inner states or desires. This excludes possible disputes, the first attempts to return everything, as it was on a desperate note, promising to change and turn life into paradise – these are only words of passion.
It will be nice to part with your lover, if you take the change completely upon yourself, it will not squeeze a man’s self-esteem to the point – it is always easier to accept that the other has changed and now you are just different people than your own guilt and unworthiness of any close relationship. We can talk about the emergence of new priorities and tasks, even briefly state which ones. But do not drag out the conversation – on average, it will take at most an hour to get through stress, shock, come to your senses and ask the main questions, after which the meeting must be ended.
Farewell is even more intimate than getting to know each other, so plan the conversation without strangers, without involving either friends or passing waiters. You can share your experiences with your girlfriends later or before the conversation, let the man learn not from them. Classically take care of the right time and place – a weekend evening, neutral territory is always better than a lunch break in someone’s bedroom. No goodbye intimacy, going to the movies and exchanging gifts – these are all details that leave you confident that you can always share your spiritual or physical warmth.
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How to Avoid Getting Depressed After a Break Up?
Even in parting with a lover on their own initiative, there is a period of pain and possible depression against the background of lost relationships, albeit painful and hopeless. The most beautiful love stories have a hard time ending, but the most negative, violent relationships also require an adaptation period for the psyche to bounce back. When breaking up with your lover, the difficulty will be that for the official public your life does not change, you have to maintain the same connections and smile the same way, you have no good reason for being in a bad mood, there is only a great need to realize your life so that no one would guess about emotional strain.
Usually, it takes a year to fully recover from a long romance, but if the relationship itself was short, then the psyche will recover faster. Easy-to-follow advice will help protect yourself from depression, the main thing is not to make common and difficult mistakes, such as constantly returning to memories, walking in those places where there were your meetings or periodic communication.
The more you clear your life of reminders, the faster you will heal. So that the burden of emotions does not crush, provide yourself the first few days of solitude, so that you can burn out with all your might – cry, get angry, drink, dance, only so that no one bothers you. If it helps to throw out emotions in drawings or writing stories – create, you want to physically remove everything and feel anger – clean up or take care of repairs. You should have a period when the brightest emotions will have the opportunity to come out, if you can conserve them, then with a soft “mold” they will “eat away” the soul for years.
When relationships are deleted from life, then there is a lot of energy and free time, if it is problematic to take a vacation and go on vacation without a family, but a change of scenery is needed. Be sure to set yourself up for a reboot, for which you can meet friends with whom you have only supposedly met before, in fact, draining off on a date. In general, you can begin to carry out all those procedures, referring to which you ran away into the novel. It may turn out that this way your life will become much richer, lies will gradually turn into truth, and the constant occupation of yourself, dancing, pleasant communication (or whatever else you came up with) will have a positive development on you as a person and on relationships in an existing family.
Stay away from the emotional pit – before, most of your emotional experiences you received in love feelings, now they have dried up. You cannot continue to remember how wonderful it was there and dwell on the end of this period – look at those people who continue to be around and build your story with them now. Play with children, plan family holidays, pay attention to your husband – this is exactly the one who is waiting for your return from emotional alienation.
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