I will reveal some of the secrets about how to control emotions in this article from my own experience. After reading this you will have a better understanding about controlling your emotions in everyday life. There are many directions in psychology, cognitive therapy is closer to me in my spirit. I further express its essence in my way. I do not mean a rigid limitation of experiences, but a sensitive interaction with them.
Most people think that life will improve if the people around them change. Significant changes happen when we get life experience, and stop dissolving in hackneyed emotions.
It is difficult to overestimate the moment of transition from complete absorption by emotion to the admission “and not I drive?”. So, there is a chance to deal with emotion. Otherwise, it remains to ecstatically twist the same childhood experiences until old age.
In my old articles, I have already said that emotion is the energy of understanding. We understand that “good” is happening – and the soul is light. We understand that an injustice has happened – and anger claims sound in our souls.
Emotion can be thought of as the psychic smell of an event reflected in the mind. Negative projections of events stink of anxiety. The positive ones are fragrant with joy.
An already untwisted emotion is avalanche-like exacerbated by kindred understandings. You make a mistake, you realize that you are not ideal – and you get upset. Upset, you seem like a bore to yourself – and this makes you upset additionally. In a bad taste, you lose strength and fall into apathy. In general, one’s mind deserves the closest attention, because it dictates the mood of the whole life.
How to Control Emotions?
1. Think Positive
Emotions are based on thinking. To process emotion, you need to deal with thoughts. The best approach is positive thinking and the professional analysis of deepest beliefs.
Positive thinking does not work if you have negative belief. Setting up positivity does not eliminate the original negative belief, but only superimposes unsteady self-hypnosis on top of it.
Trying to think positively while your heart is gloomy is like counting on solid ground, covering a swamp with paper gloss. Superficial positive thoughts calm down for a while, then dissipate, and the negative from the depths of the soul begins to glow even more clearly. As a result, a person makes a false conclusion that everything bright in life is a naive illusion, and the only reality is serious and gloomy.
Neither advanced theories, nor positive thinking, nor motivating texts and videos are capable of reaching unconscious beliefs. Unless – in the format of a happy event. And the chaotic excavation of childhood is ineffective. It resembles shooting at moving targets with your eyes closed. (Accidental hits are not excluded.)
And kitchen conversations heart to heart also, alas, do not heal, because the interlocutors do not bother to go into the depths of the steps of understanding, but rush to express themselves.
Therefore, in therapy, the psychologist does not soothe but encourages them to recognize their real thoughts and feelings. Particular attention in the stream of thinking is given to those thoughts that are believed in – they are called beliefs.
Examples of destructive beliefs: “I am a loser in life”, “I am the best of all”, “I am the worst of all”, “an evil fate hangs over me”, “life is meaningless”, “mistakes prove the futility of undertakings”, “you cannot be funny and awkward”, “You must not be afraid”, “you must not be angry”, “you must not rejoice”, etc.
The main task of psychotherapy is to detect and neutralize a pernicious belief that has become the root of constant emotion. That is subjected to strong analytical questioning.
But there is no rush to “doubt” such a conviction. First, it must be clarified to the utmost clarity. Otherwise, it is easy to miss – and take some attractive theory about it as a source of emotion.
Rushing psychotherapy is the most common mistake. At every stage, you are tempted to be deceived by an abstract, beautiful interpretation of the client’s emotions. Mentally he has already healed him, but for some reason, he is still capricious and suffering.
You cannot cut the roots of emotion until you get to the bottom of it. Therefore, psychotherapy is not idle chatter, but labor that requires great sensitivity.
To my shame, sometimes I find myself unable to listen and feel clients with due attentiveness, and then I discard dry concepts.
It is useless to interpret negative emotions, crush, or bury them under layers of positive illusions. It is necessary to express them slowly, achieving the maximum clarity of the sound of all claims attached to emotion.
It is practically possible to allow a little “emotion” to appeal to oneself who is worried. We kind of invite the part of the gut, disturbed by the emotion, to speak out and roll out the rationale for its position. For example, in case of resentment:
- “Well, perhaps your claims are justified! But they still need to be supported by facts. Let’s look together for a stamped document guaranteeing your rights. I will help!”
When you realize what your aspirations for life are based on, emotions fade away. You are convinced that the document certifying the rights is not even a fake one. It’s just a wrinkled wipe with self-written scribbles without any stamps. And it turns out that there is no injustice – and there is nothing more to worry about.
You may also like to read: How to Get Rid of Anxiety?
3. Recognizing Feelings
Each emotion prompts something. Such is the natural irritant. Neuroses are sagging emotions that are not embodied in decisions but continue to slip unnecessarily. Part of the gut wants to embody the emotion, while the other restrains it, giving rise to an internal conflict.
In therapy, you don’t have to talk a lot about your emotions. We must express them. The following questions will work:
- What am I worried about?
- What do I want under the influence of the experience?
- What can happen if the experience is justified?
- Why does life have to fit my needs?
In previous articles, I have repeatedly mentioned that unexpressed vague feelings are perceived by the atmosphere of life itself. This is how the illusion of objective reality is created from unsteady thoughts.
Vague unresolved anxieties and discontent pour out into the general negative background of life and corresponding actions. And those around him think that the person himself is “bad.” Most are inclined to judge themselves.
The hardest part of therapy is being able to recognize emotions and the beliefs behind them. Each emotion is like a picture with an event reflected on it. We peer into this picture and describe everything that we see.
For example, they ask a person: “Why are you worried?”
He honestly answers: “I don’t know, something worries…”
Ah, got it! I’m afraid to oversleep at work!
“I don’t know… Ah, I’m afraid that they will be fired and my wife will leave!
“Why are you afraid of this?”
Hmm … Aa, I’m afraid to feel like an unnecessary freak.
These same “Aa, I understand!” – the most important points of therapy.
Mini Insights. This recognition of their emotions helps to uncover their haze. The cleared-up anxieties dissipate because they cease to seem like some unknown evil – you begin to understand what exactly you are dealing with.
At first, no one succeeds in revealing their thoughts and feelings. If it worked, there would be no problem. Everyone would have brightened up long ago. Practice lends itself to diligence. The more attentively you look at the information message of the emotion, the more you distinguish. Any new nuances are a small success.
All of this, of course, does not fully describe the therapy. Soon, perhaps, I will say separately about how it is useful to simply speak out without fear of judgment – the main practice of client-oriented therapy.