Today in the blog post is very important for anyone who considers themselves an introvert. You remember that you can also ask your question, right? How to do this, read below, but for now let’s talk about the difficulties in communication and about how not to exhaust all your energy reserves, while remaining open. I think that extroverts will learn something useful here for themselves, in particular, some more instructions on how to use us, introverts.
A reader asked: I want to ask you about how an introvert (and you have written more than once that you are an introvert) communicate so much and generally be “outside”, answer the same questions, talk about life. You look like a very harmonious person, it seems to me that you succeed in all this (but I don’t, it’s hard to be “on the air” all the time: what’s on the Internet, what’s in life), so please tell us.
Yes, we introverts are complex creatures. And it can be very difficult for extroverts to understand why we do not want to go somewhere, “try new things,” or, for example, answer some questions. Many people consider us to be boors, because we (and this is a great achievement for us, which was worth a lot of work, honestly voice our emotions and have learned to refuse, defending our borders.
An introvert is often a “giver”: energy, strength, time. It seems to me, despite b about greater closeness, introverts everything in his life is taken seriously, it is difficult, “never mind.”
Therefore, an introvert is often someone who cannot “just like that” hear about the problems of another, not get involved emotionally, getting off with just a couple of easy phrases and forgetting about it after a minute. If he has already decided to crawl out of the cocoon, then he takes to heart everything that is happening around, with which he has come in contact, that has come into his field of attention. That is why communication is sometimes so difficult for us.
It is even worse when “strangers” want to get into our personal space. Because we need not to give at least something, to leave at least some island of safety for ourselves. We need a secluded corner to catch our breath, to recover, to be in peace and quiet. Most often, this corner is our family, our home, as well as, of course, our own thoughts and experiences, in which we get used to hide from the world from childhood.
And this is normal. Just allow yourself this, do not make excuses to anyone. As the saying goes, if you need to explain, you don’t need to explain. Those people who are not ready to accept your boundaries are simply not your people, you are not on your way with them. Don’t worry about it as a loss.
But surely there is something that you want to share, otherwise you would not have asked such a question. It doesn’t have to be personal details. There may be them, but, I repeat, not necessarily. Since you are asking how I deal with this, I will share my personal experience. For me, this topic turned out to be my generalized, already processed and meaningful experience – both professional and personal.
After all, experience cannot be salted, like cucumbers in jars, when the time comes, it needs to be released in order to free up space within yourself, so that this whole process of hoarding is not wasted, so that everything that happened could work not only for you, but also for others.
It was not easy for me to open up, but step by step, through experience, I determined the boundaries within which I feel comfortable and, most importantly, why I need it.
I accepted my peculiarity that in interaction with people, energy flows more from me than to me. I learned to give and accept the fact that then I will need to recover in other ways. It is important to know these ways, it is important to understand yourself and your energy flows. Where it goes, where it comes from, how quickly and how to help it. It is important to treat this with respect, listen to yourself and always take into account the energy needs of your body when you plan your time and some serious energy-intensive activities.
It is also important not to be afraid to choose who you want to give energy to and who you don’t. After all, it is your energy and your right.
But why all these complications? Why not stop giving then? Not to close in yourself? I have often observed how many people have experiences similar to mine, how many have seen no way out in situations that I have slowly learned to cope with. I am most often driven by a desire to help, which is stronger than “energy greed”.
When you see how your words or your knowledge grow in others, it gives the feeling that you are not living in vain.
You feel this return with some delay, but sometimes it is very timely. On bad days, almost always a warm letter or a review for the course awaits me in the mail, sometimes unexpected parcels or postcards come, and the fact that someone was not too lazy to do all this for me is important. I have already ceased to be surprised at such a synchronicity – the Universe is wiser than you and me.
And I also learned to monetize my desire and (to say nothing of being modest) the ability to give, to help. The monetary value is important, it symbolizes the value of what you do. Well, and, of course, it can be used for what fulfills – development, relaxation, travel, healthy and wholesome food and much more.
Another important point is honesty. I quickly realized that all these social games and roles did not suit me. I cannot dissemble or portray anything. I can either speak as it is, or be silent. And, of course, the inner perfectionist was on the alert, labeling my “as is” as “not good enough.” And so, for a long time I was silent, communicating with the world through other people’s pictures, not daring to share my own thoughts and ideas.
And then, drop by drop, I began to learn to accept myself in my imperfection. After all, I do not remain in what I myself would like to change, I try to develop, and this is the most important thing.
And this path of change is as invaluable a part of me as the point to which I am going.
It soon became clear that there are too many people who are perfect and never wrong, especially on the Internet. What exactly the experience of searches and failures (if there are failures in life at all, which, by the way, I don’t believe in) is what is often so important for people to hear. I learned not to consider it as something bad or shameful, I stopped evaluating it in any way, just accepting it as part of myself, and it became easier to talk about my real life and real thoughts. I think it’s worth writing a separate post about this.
It is easy for an introvert to offend and hurt deeply, mirroring his own doubts and inner dissatisfaction to him. But a person prone to reflection has a lot of such moments. But, having agreed with myself, I became more indifferent to the blows “on the sick”, and I am no longer so scared to open up – after all, I did not promise anyone to be perfect and, first of all, I did not promise this to myself.
So, the path to harmony, as usual, lies through understanding yourself, accepting how everything is arranged inside you, and the ability to build your life around your own characteristics – with all respect and awe for them.
And if your choice is not to be on the air, this is also normal, they live with it. But for some reason you want it, so try to find a communication format that gives more than takes away. Here is such an entertaining introverted math.
Friends, share your experience, complement what I have said, there are many of us, introverts, and it is important for all of us to see that there are different ways of being in this world that fill us, not devastate us.
And if you want to ask your question, send it to via contact page with the subject “Question-Answer” and an indication whether your letter can be published on the blog.