Any cycle of contact goes through different stages, therefore, the psychology of relationship between husband and wife is a model that reveals the features of relations with their parents, as well as the prospect of raising children, dealing with colleagues and just passers-by. These are the closest people, interaction with whom is dense and frequent (sometimes continuous), therefore, the most shadowy sides of the personality appear here, all negative and unacceptable own complexes and shortcomings are projected.
The psychology of the relationship between husband and wife can be viewed at the everyday and scientific levels. In the first version, it will be advice from closest friends, relatives and just practical advice from popular magazines and subscriptions to blogs and feeds about what lace should return passion and how many bouquets you need to give in order to discourage lovers.
The scientific approach studies family crises deeper, trying to understand the psychology of each, see children’s problems and complexes, unravel those old grievances and projections, thanks to which true contact between people disappears and all relationships turn into ice. Such consideration is not aimed at development, positive moments and description of favorable situations, since people themselves do not think much about the dynamics of relationships until negative experiences begin or a breakup crisis looms at all.
Psychology, how to maintain love in the relationship between husband and wife, is the most popular topic among inquiries after raising children. Even personal development for many is becoming a lower priority compared to relationships, although people do not want to understand that in order to ensure peace, romance and the continuation of relationships, you will not have to drive the other into the necessary image with a stick, but work on your own world, facing its monsters.
Romance in a Relationship
The psychology of relations between husband and wife begins with the stage of romantic love, which is the least costly in terms of volitional efforts, revealing the personality and the possibility of one’s own growth, as well as the need for reflection and manifestation of awareness.
Everything happens here automatically, hormones turn off the analysis of negative factors so much that the chosen one is practically a demigod, while a huge amount of energy is generated, which allows us to be super beings ourselves, constantly smiling, helping and not getting sick. After the hormonal surge suddenly begins to feel fatigue, the need to communicate with other people, more and more often there is irritation for moments that were previously touching.
A feeling of boredom comes, it seems that the partner has already been fully studied, and there is nothing new, exciting and interesting in him, attention begins to switch to other areas of life. So gradually romance leaves the relationship, because the internal reserves no longer feed it. Some live in a constant cycle of the beginning of new relationships and their quick termination, when the most beautiful disappears, but if you are already together, then the psychology of the relationship between husband and wife recommends trying to revive romance in a different way than just changing a partner.
Our nervous system, together with memory, responds perfectly to triggers, which begins to feel the same emotions again with joy, romance, and falling in love. So it will come down quite well through strength and understanding of the need, guided only by logic, since there is no inspiration, to arrange a romantic evening for your soul mate. It is highly likely that by nightfall a piece of the same warmth will appear in the shower, and after several such surprises, interest in a partner will revive again. Couples who manage not to lose a reverent attitude try to show such little things constantly, they do not perform brilliant feats, but can write a nice note, leaving it on the morning table or send an encouraging message. On the contrary, those who are in scandals for half a year, and then try to revive it with expensive gifts and luxurious resorts, are losing, as an emotional one.
The desire to be constantly together and around the clock in touch with your partner must be let go as irrelevant. You are already a married couple, you can always see each other and understand that a priori you stay together and get support – this is a base and a fortress for your further journey. Take time to do your own hobbies, and let the other person breathe. So the personality will develop, but also in the evening there will be new topics for discussion. People who are closed on each other, at first get high from this, and then they find themselves and a partner in stretched pants, talking only about the order of washing dishes, since the only thing that happens is everyday life. Stay interesting, and this interest should be internal, and not trying to adapt to the requirements and expectations of your partner.
First Quarrels and Misunderstandings
A family is created as a place where there will be warmth, understanding and love, but when romance leaves, everyday life begins and the force of habit begins, personality traits and family stories of each begin to come out, grinding begins.
The first quarrels in the family usually happen on a household topic, but they look quite stormy, because everyone tries to endure negative manifestations and is silent, accumulating not only resentment, but also destructive anger. The reasons for such dissatisfaction are in the different ideas of partners about the structure of family life. This is not necessarily about pulling the blanket and unwillingness to do something, leaving everything on to someone else; there are couples who are scolding over who will earn. This defies planning and logic, but leads to critical emotional shocks, causes very strong shifts in the horizon of relationships, because when meeting with a person you can talk about your goals, but few discuss the way of the family, because it seems that everyone lives this way.
In an open world, a person can resist the attacks of others, limit any comments and understand that they are devoid of any subtext, but relaxing in a family circle, such objectivity can disappear, and people begin to take offense at even the smallest comments. This can be from the desire to be absolutely accepted at home and not hear anything negative, or it can come out even very early complexes, which can only be seen by a person who has come as close as possible. We are brilliant psychologists and telepaths in our own lives, and we cannot guess which word of ours can critically hurt another. So an innocent comment gives rise to a flash of anger, in response to it, a defensive reaction grows, looking like an attack, and as a result we already have a scandal where no one wanted to harm another.
Another important point is the appearance of nagging and quarrels – this is any change in the family system, such as the appearance of a child, moving, changing jobs, etc. All the described chronological crises of relations also belong here. These are the usual stages of adaptation, where the nervous system of everyone and the usual way are rebuilt, a person does not understand which behavior will be the best and adapts as best he can. This is a state that is reduced in terms of resources, so aggression manifests itself faster, and the patience that was in relation to another is depleted.
Mutual Grievances and Claims
The psychology of the relationship between husband and wife deals with the solution of grievances and negative situations. Critical points are feelings of jealousy and sexual dissatisfaction, followed by financial issues and behavior.
Resentment arises when spouses do not communicate their own boundaries and what they can do with them. Then the other will sooner or later violate the fragile balance and will not understand anything, while the other, instead of making claims, usually falls silent and takes offense, since offense is always a stopped aggression.
So it turns out that men are more likely to express constant complaints, as an open form of aggression, where you can let off steam, relieve tension and get what you want. Women are more likely to take offense, because they do not want an open conflict due to fear of a man or a breakup, and many are so valuable the very presence of a partner that it is easier to suppress anger at unworthy behavior than to openly confront.
This is the next stage in the negative development of relations, when the first quarrels are over. The first misunderstandings are easily resolved, because people still feel deeply in love, are maximally attuned to another and are ready to take care of him more. Over time, small painful injections, understatements and small claims accumulate, increasingly closing the space for dialogue.
The psychology of the relationship between husband and wife is such that everyone is trying to defend their remaining positions, going into a deep defense of offenses or into an attack of claims. There is practically no room for a calm and open conversation here, and it is replaced by screams, recollection of past mistakes and escalation of the conflict. Only after passing through such a storm, people get the opportunity to really meet, not only with sweet manifestations, but also negative traits, to become vulnerable and imperfect. Some couples can still find the strength to discuss grievances and claims calmly and with acceptance, others remain in their positions and do not open up to their partner, choosing parting.
Types of Family Relationships
The types of relationships are a certain scenario of interaction between partners, and it is not bad to find out which model prevails in the spouse’s parental family even before marriage, because he will bring it into his own. The discrepancy between such views gives rise to serious crises, when a man is accustomed to the autonomous existence of everyone and refuses to provide for a woman, expecting a financial contribution from her and giving her complete freedom to spend her free time, and she is used to dictatorship and complete care. Any discrepancy between such requirements and the roles of spouses can be overcome by creating their own type of family structure, or someone will have to adapt, ideally if upbringing and traditions coincide initially, it will halve the number of quarrels and misunderstandings.
So, a dictatorial type of relationship implies full responsibility for the well-being of the family of one person (not necessarily a man). This person brings the main financial income, chooses a place of residence, solves critical problems. All family members listen to him and do not make any decisions without the knowledge of the dictator. This may seem like a violation of rights and a very harsh type of existence, but there is another side – all responsibility is on this person. He solves issues with a fallen pipe, looks for money for new boots, takes care of the highest quality medical care and cannot delegate it to others. Those the family of such a person is limited by the independent decision of some kind of elections, but it is also protected from their consequences.
In democratic families, all decisions are made jointly, and only issues that directly affect each can be resolved separately. For example, what to do at work, everyone understands himself, and in which area to buy an apartment they decide together.
The autonomous style of interaction involves a minimum of interference in each other’s life, everyone pays half of the rent for an apartment and buys food, dresses themselves and can go on separate vacations. Everyday life is minimized and a partner is needed only for communication, intimacy, joint pleasure, etc… relationship, not survival.
You may also like to read: 12 Tips to Help You to Have A More Harmonious Relationship
How to Keep Love in A Relationship
Feelings built on hormones tend to fade away quickly, but that love persists, where not only intimate attraction.
Learn to be friends with your partner as with a friend and try to build part of the interaction that way. What do you do with your friends – go to the movies, meet in a cafe, discuss their work, and go camping. Remember that we often help friends, we advise, but we do not interfere too much, we do not impose, but we miss this right to freedom of expression when interacting with loved ones. Try to slightly reduce the degree of diktat and caring of the hen by switching to the interaction of two adults, and the amount of interest will increase. It is also important to have common activities besides providing the refrigerator with stocks of sausages and broccoli, so any hobby together is great. You will have common topics, common time and main interest, uniting, but not based on each other.
Work on your own awareness and transfer it to all crises. If you think about feelings, to understand what you want in the future for yourself and from the relationship, then the intensity will decrease, love will begin to peep among the grievances and claims, and it is precisely her demonstration that can show the other something important and change his behavior. Maintain contact, both in understanding what is happening in the life of another (talk about events outside the walls of the house, work, meetings, exhibitions, tasks), both emotionally (openly share any emotions and experiences), and tactilely (hug, passing by , tousle your hair, read with your elbows touching). All kinds of understanding and feeling that the person is nearby help to maintain closeness.
Constantly keep in your head the line that your partner is reliable and real, so that it does not happen around and whatever versions you are told. Hasty conclusions broke many destinies and settled cold instead of warmth, therefore, when something seemed negative, stop, wait for the moment of conversation with your partner and openly find out what is happening. You will always have time to be disappointed, until the last moment it is necessary to fight for understanding and feeling that you are together and no gossip and intrigue will interfere.
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