“When I was young and stupid”… that is, some three years ago, when communicating with people from time to time I caught myself thinking: “Well, how can you be so stupid ???”. This happened both in work situations and in everyday life, and discussions on the Internet often led to similar conclusions.
More often than not, we easily found a common language with students, and I was glad that “my” people turn to me. But still, sometimes I was very irritated and could hardly suppress this irritation. As it seems to me now, it is not always successful.
I am not ashamed to admit it now. No, of course it’s a little embarrassing. But admitting it seems more important. Because almost everyone goes through it, and they talk about it criminally little.
Yes, over the years of work I have received completely different letters and questions from clients, potential partners, readers and completely random people.
- Tell me about the course program.
- How much it costs?
- Will you do everything for me?
- How soon will I start making money on a blog and how much should I expect?
- A three-kilometer letter with a whole life story” (where is the question?).
- And let’s do complete garbage in our interests, and you … nothing from this! (OK).
How can you not understand such obvious things? How can you expect THIS? How can you make SUCH mistakes? How can you think THAT? Why should I? Why do you feel sorry for your time, but not for mine?
All these are to some extent fair considerations. Until you suddenly realize: no one is obliged to meet your expectations. Nobody in the world should be like you thought. And it won’t. But you, too, do not have to meet the expectations of other people, only your own promises! But it is not exactly.
Your expectations are your problems.A ZEN GURU
And customer service is not at all about shoving your hatred towards people you know where and putting on a smile. This is what many do. But no. This is about a deep universal human understanding that we are all different and each has its own path. When we intersect, all we can do is give the other a little love and at least try to understand. But, in any case, take other people’s characteristics for granted.
Okay, you say – you just don’t have to work with, not your people. It is necessary to honestly send all those who disagree, everyone who infuriates even a little and does not fit into the picture of the world. And I have the right to tell them everything I think about them. They are not my clients. I don’t owe them anything. Let them think! And in general … After all, I deserve it, and all that.
But that doesn’t work either. The very reaction of irritation is about rejection of the world in all its diversity. Of course, we are not all blind – we see that some people are different from others. And externally, and mental qualities, and cognitive abilities. And these differences have objective reasons in our physiology and life experience.
But the need to put everyone in order and to brand those who are “below” you – this is already a story about your own value. If it is not absolute, then you need to regularly feed your ego, rising above others. And in this, unfortunately, there is very little resource.
Therefore, I try to exchange only with those who will find it useful and, if possible, pleasant, who really need it. For the rest I wish to find someone with whom they will “click”, with whom the puzzles will match. I definitely build borders, if the situation requires it, I protect my interests. I do not waste time and energy on those about whom it is immediately clear – “not mine.”
But I allow myself to be myself and others to be different. I do not evaluate, I do not compare. And I’m not annoyed. At least I try very hard not to do that.
No, it didn’t get very easy. It still requires inner effort and a high degree of awareness.
But now it has become difficult to condemn, because every time the old reflex is triggered, I instantly feel almost physically how disharmonious and wrong what happened, how toxic such an attitude is and how much it destroys me. And this gives strength to change.
What Else Works?
Most come to work with people out of the need to share. This is especially true for those who teach, but not only.
What is Sharing?
For many, this means one thing: telling how awesome you are and how good you are at doing what you do.
Vanity is my favorite of sins. Some people are already building a business on this, but now it’s not about them.
Let’s replace the word “share” with the word “help”, “contribute”, if you like. This changes the balance of power. Without deep, sincere sympathy for your clients, it is impossible to truly do what you are doing.
His business is always a little about vanity and about shining. But, unfortunately, it gives sick motivation and forces us to play a role with our clients. Restrain, correct behavior and break yourself in some way. In the most advanced cases, this happens unconsciously, because admitting to yourself that you dream of a crown can be oh, how difficult it is.
A true desire to become a guide to a better life gives a high degree of humility. There is a lot of love and, therefore, acceptance.
And not everyone has such a desire, oh, not everyone…
As always, working on your project is a powerful work on yourself. And no technology for building a business and effective sales will save you if you are rotten inside. No amount of money and recognition received by a good “actor” will not give a real sense of fulfillment.
Irritation and rejection intensify when inside is restless, when there are many questions for oneself and little love. Harmonious people are so pleased with themselves that they do not need to position themselves in the Universe relative to others.
Guess Who’s on the Other Side of the Scale?
Idols, of course. Idols are also about finding a suitable mark for yourself on a comparative scale: somewhere up there, my star, somewhere here, a little lower, I, and there, lower, much lower than me, all these idiots. Of course, I am not a star, but I am not the bottom either. You can live, there is where to strive, there is someone to push off from.
You can only compare yourself with yourself.
What an unbearable banality! And what depth is hidden in this banality.