Self Deception: The Story of How I Deceived Myself

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  • 7 min read
Self Deception

On the eve of my birthday, I traditionally hide from the world and poke around in my head. But for the first time in many years, I met this day in a great mood, because the answers to existential questions were ahead of the schedule and came in advance. And since I am now 33, I am an adult and wise, I want to share with you what happened to me in the last six months, where it took me and, most importantly, how I got out of it.

Be yourself and do what you believe in. How many times have you heard this phrase? How many of them are from me? But, like many important and seemingly simple things, this thing is a real chest with a double bottom. It seems that you are true to yourself to the last drop, and one day you wake up and boom. It becomes absolutely clear that you are so far from yourself, as if all this time you were walking in the opposite direction.

Have you heard about how we shop? We subsequently rationalize our initially impulsive choice by finding fictional logic in our decisions. In the same way, being at any point on the way and looking back, you can easily explain how exactly you got here, why every step was correct. But in fact, you just rushed about like that woolen wolf, deviating further and further from yourself.

What happened to me and why is it important? Maybe my specific examples are not close to you, but I think it will not be difficult to draw an analogy. This is where I found myself to my own amazement, like a man who is sleepwalking and suddenly wakes up in the middle of the night on a rooftop, about to jump down.

I Became A Workaholic

I have always preached balance, moreover, I believe in it with all my heart. But after moving to Spain, “pumping” some areas of life became associated with such a level of stress that it turned out to be easier not to leave the comfort zone. The comfort zone was work. It also had and still has a lot of stress, but this stress seemed familiar, manageable, and most importantly, bearable to me. Over the last year, the stress has become so much that it ceased to be tolerable. At this moment, I would support myself with something else, but no – it’s empty, I didn’t invest there and didn’t develop anything else. I have exhausted my body, and now it is very difficult to get out.

I Became A Seller

I have always been interested in learning, creating and sharing. Sell ​​- no. But even if you don’t sell in the usual sense, you still sell. You make it so that you buy it yourself. I began to think about it more than I would like. In order not to sell later. But now, now. What was going on in my head, words cannot convey. How much time was spent on creation and how much – on thinking over and setting up the process. I dived so deep into marketing that …

I Became A Marketer

Well, as it has become. Actually, I am both on this diploma, and I have always been fascinated by this. But due to the fact that I cook in this topic around the clock, communicate with marketers, study, read specialized literature, marketing began to take up all the free space. This is the basis of the foundations, this is a system, without it there is no sustainable result in business …

And then I got carried away. I began to patch not my holes. Offer everyone a marketing pill. And once I looked at what was happening, what I mostly do every day, and I was horrified.

What Have I Not Become?

Apparently, a critical mass of experiences and thoughts accumulated, and the inspiration came in one second. I’m not doing my job. I entered someone else’s territory and thus left mine.

But I myself do not want to change direction and in fact become this same with the letter S. I want to do the same thing that I did. Blogs. Blogs about self-expression, about creativity, about finding and revealing oneself, about communication and new horizons. Not only about business. Not only and not so much about the result in money, but about some more important and profound results.

According to a study by ConvertKit (an email marketing service for professional bloggers), in 2016, more than 50% of bloggers start blogging for reasons other than earnings. They call the blog their creative outlet, which can be translated as “creative outlet”.

But for me it is even more. This is about the right and opportunity for everyone to find themselves, to express what lives inside, to share what you believe in, to grow at your own pace, to meet the necessary and important people, to be heard, understood, accepted. Make yourself and your life better, and if you’re lucky, the world around you. This is what I did myself. And what I’ve always believed in. This is why I created the first course. And this is what is important to me after 3 years.

Where am I? Build sales funnels. It’s cool that I can do it. But. I do not want.

Where customers have measurable results, there is money, there is transparent sales, there is clear positioning. But I continue to desperately believe that every little pebble closes its important gap, and it is certainly needed there, otherwise everything will fall apart.

And mine is not about increasing sales. Mine is about being closer to yourself and through this to become happier. And let sales come as a natural consequence, if it is important and necessary. I want this for myself and for everyone who comes to my blog or online course.

What’s Next?

It took a lot of effort to admit it all. Even more – to voice, and yet I opened my thoughts and feelings to the audience of my blog. But the most surprising thing happened later: in response, I received so much support and warmth that it became clear that I had finally done something right.

People only really respond to what comes from your gut. Even if you come into the world to do a small thing, do it from your heart and take pride in doing it well. And the world will accept you. But, most importantly, you will happily accept yourself. Knowing that they are honest and true to themselves to the end.

Look less outside for answers and more inside yourself. Don’t compare yourself to others and don’t rank. Believe with all your heart that the perfect place and the perfect business exist. Don’t give up, keep looking. And when you do, do not allow yourself to give up, and others – to challenge what you believe. This is the only way to become truly happy.

I leave this note to myself and to you at the beginning of my 34th year, and may it be happier than the 33rd. And I also wish myself to do what I love more often (except for work!). Including writing to this blog. And thank you for being with me.