Self Development: Where to Start and How Not to Give Up?

Self Development

Good afternoon, dear readers. Today we have a very important and interesting topic on our agenda – self-development. Get ready to push your limits and become the best version of yourself. I will tell you where to start self-development, in which directions to move, how to overcome obstacles on the way.


What Is Self-Development?

Before proceeding directly to practice, let’s figure out what self-development is. In simple words, self – development is active work to improve yourself and your life. You can develop personal qualities, professional skills, cognitive functions, physical capabilities, etc.

Why is All This Needed?

Our world is arranged in such a way that it is impossible to reach a certain point and stay there forever. If you stop moving forward, a rollback will definitely follow. If you do not develop, you degrade. Imagine that you have been sweating in the gym for a year, eating right and getting yourself into perfect shape.

“Well, now you can relax,” – you conclude and indulge in all the hard. I think we can go no further; the result is already clear. The same thing happens in all other areas of life. You will not be successful until you start investing time and energy in self-improvement.

If you are ready to drag out the life of a dull middle man lying around in front of the TV every evening, you can skip this article. Leave the process of self-development to people who are bright, ambitious, and not indifferent. Just do not be surprised later why you suddenly found yourself at the bottom, and do not say that I did not warn you.

7 Reasons – Why There is No Desire to Self Development?

Self Development
Self Development

If the importance of continuous development is recognized by almost everyone, why are so few doing it? Let’s look at a few of the factors that prevent us from starting to improve ourselves.

Lack of Willpower

The main reason people don’t do self-improvement is poor willpower. This invisible muscle requires constant training, otherwise it will atrophy very quickly. If you’re having problems with willpower, don’t despair.

First, it can be developed at any age – there would be a desire. And secondly, working on it, you are already improving yourself – you are forming a purposeful, independent and stable personality.

Read our article – How to develop willpower? In it you will find detailed instructions and advice from professional psychologists.

Lack of Motivation

Have you ever wondered why some activities bring you pleasure, while others only exhaust you? It’s all about motivation – it is motivation who is responsible for the distribution of energy. It can be compared to a tough bank lender you go to for a loan.

Give me strength and inspiration to learn French – you appeal to your motivation. So-so. This seems to be the 102nd attempt. Last time you had enough for a week. And why do you need it, this French? We’d better save our resources for something more useful.

And you hang your nose and go to pore over textbooks. Needless to say, this attempt will also fail?

Motivation is a very complex psychological mechanism. Therefore, we dedicated a separate article to it – What is motivation: the main types and characteristics. If you feel that you are lacking an inner drive to action, be sure to read it.

Failure to plan your time It is a pity that children are not taught effective time management at school. It’s a shame when great ideas and plans remain unfulfilled due to banal carelessness and disorganization. If you are constantly late and do not have time for anything, you are unlikely to be able to achieve high results in anything.

In fact, it is not difficult to effectively manage your time. This is just a set of the right habits: keeping a daily planner, prioritizing, doing the same things at the same time, etc. But you know that it only takes 21 days to form a new habit? So, go for it.

Lack of Discipline

Discipline is another pillar on which the cultivation process rests. All actions aimed at developing oneself require multiple routine repetition. Exercise every day, visit the gym three times a week, meditate twice a day…

If you force yourself out of the stick every time, you will very quickly turn against it all. The secret of discipline is that thanks to it you perform all these actions as if automatically, without thinking about whether you want it at the moment or not. It is necessary – therefore it is necessary. And the point. As in the army. Athletes, for example, can boast of excellent discipline.

If you are far from sports, do not despair. Your path will be a little longer and more difficult, but this is not a reason to give up the cherished result. Incorrect thinking and attitudes All the great achievements of humanity begin with thought. But all cruel wars also begin with a thought. Therefore, it is worth paying more attention to these disembodied inhabitants of our consciousness. If in your head the same thought constantly revolves “I won’t succeed,” rest assured – it will turn out to be prophetic. Because thoughts are like seeds – what you sow is what you reap.

Change your thinking to positive and you will no longer have to dig yourself, waste time on endless doubts and reproduce negative scenarios.

Self-Esteem Problems

Adequate self-esteem is the key to a healthy and successful personality. It should not be overpriced or understated. If you tend to praise and value yourself higher than you should, frustration will haunt you all your life. You will not be able to scrape together the motivation for positive change and will gradually degrade.

Low self-esteem is characterized by severe anxiety and fear of failure. A person does not strive for self-improvement, because he does not believe in success. To start moving forward, he needs to first increase his self-esteem, get rid of complexes and acquire self-confidence.

Fear of Change

All people are inert to one degree or another. And that’s okay. But sometimes inertia becomes catastrophic. In this case, a person is afraid to take a step outside his comfort zone. Psychologists have even introduced a special term for such cases – neophobia.

I have a friend who, as a child, was very afraid to talk on the phone. He is now over thirty. And what do you think? He still avoids phone calls like he did twenty years ago. But even then, he could overcome his fear with the help of constant practice, and his life now would be much more comfortable.

The basic law of the comfort zone: if you do not leave it periodically, over time it will become smaller. And one day the whole world will turn into a hostile and uncomfortable space. I hope I was able to convince you of the need for change and you are ready to step over your fear.

Our article “How to Overcome Fear” will help you with this.

In What Directions Can You Develop?

Self Development
Self Development

Let’s define the scope of work. I will list the most important areas of life, and you try to objectively assess the state of each of them. To make it easier for you, I have prepared a short survey about every aspect of your life. It consists of statements that you will need to confirm or deny. Give yourself 2 points for every truthful statement. Count the points separately for each item.


The most important area of ​​life, the foundation and foundation for everything else. Let’s see how things stand here. You have no bad habits. You exercise regularly. You try to eat healthy and avoid food junk. Your night’s sleep lasts at least 7 and no more than 9 hours. In the event of illness, you always follow your doctor’s instructions responsibly. If your score is less than 6, you need to focus on health development first. And the faster the better.


This area concerns not only love and family relationships, but also any interactions between people. You have a permanent partner. You easily find common ground with new people. You are a peaceful and non-conflict person. You have a lot of friends. You prefer communication with people to loneliness. Of course, relationships are not an area without which a person cannot live. But you must agree, life surrounded by loved and loving people is much more pleasant than the life of a lone hermit.


Work is not just about making money, as some may think. This is the main inner support of the personality. Through this sphere, a person contributes to society, takes a place in the social hierarchy, finds his destiny.

Do you like your job?

You are considered a professional in your field. You do not stop learning and introduce new knowledge into your work. By doing your own thing, you feel that you are bringing benefit to society. In your opinion, you get a decent pay for your work.


No matter how they tried to instil in us from childhood that happiness is not in money, we all take this idea with skepticism. Money gives freedom, but isn’t that true happiness?

Assess your relationship with money using the following statements:

  • You have no outstanding loans and debts.
  • Your income covers all of your basic needs.
  • You manage to save some of your money and build up savings.
  • You don’t make impulsive purchases that you later regret.
  • You regularly keep track of expenses and income.

If this area is suffering for you, you should improve your financial literacy.

Brightness of Life

So that life does not seem too bland, it must be peppery. Namely, interesting, bright and eventful leisure. You have an exciting hobby. You go on a journey at least once a year. You spend your leisure time actively and richly. You are able to find interesting and beautiful even in the most ordinary things. You rarely get bored.


But immersion in spiritual spheres gives depth to life. It doesn’t have to be a religion at all. You can practice eastern spiritual practices, study philosophy, cultivate virtues in yourself. You practice meditation and self-training. You are interested in self-knowledge and immersion in yourself.

You are reading books on philosophy, theology, ethics. You often think about the meaning of life and other eternal questions. You are doing charity work. Begin to engage in spiritual development when you put in order the other areas a little or in parallel with them. Now that you have an idea of ​​how things are in each area of ​​life, you can outline a plan of work. Start with the most important areas (health and work) if you have problems with them. Then improve yourself in the rest, starting with the most neglected.

Where to Begin?

Self Development
Self Development

Finally, we come directly to practical recommendations. Let’s take a look at a one-stop step-by-step guide, and then break down the tips for men and women separately.

Take responsibility for your life I really like the statement by an unknown author: “Until you take responsibility for your life, this is not your life.” Feel this thought and feel in full measure what you are depriving yourself, trying to give your steering wheel in the wrong hands.

It’s time to find support inside yourself and try to make it stronger every day. Start taking steps towards independence. Learn to make independent decisions and take responsibility for them. If you are dependent on a parent or spouse, outline a plan to transition to self-support.

Only a self-sufficient person can boast of true freedom and independence. Try to ask people for services as little as possible. Do everything in your power yourself. And when you ask, be sure to thank and compensate with something.

Set Goals

A man without a goal is like a lost traveler. If you don’t know where you want to go, you will always go the wrong way. Only with a specific goal in mind, you can competently plan the entire process of work to achieve it. You also need to be able to set goals correctly. The main criterion for a good goal is its realism. Excessive claims can nullify the entire result achieved in the process of self-development.

The goal should be achievable, and not abstractly in a vacuum, but applicable specifically to your situation. Another important characteristic of a goal is its timing. For example, let’s say you want to lose that extra 10 kg. Determine by what time frame you want to achieve the desired result. “Someday” will not work here.

Plan Your Day

If you want to achieve great results in anything, you need to take care of your time. Time is the most valuable currency a person has. Don’t waste it. Planning can help you make good use of your time. Start gradually introducing it into your life. Before you start making a schedule for each day, watch yourself. What time of day are you most productive, when you feel tired, when you are hungry? The plan should naturally fit into your biorhythms. We discussed this topic in more detail in the article “How to plan your day”.

In addition to a daily plan, you should have a plan for achieving each of your goals. It saves you the hassle of keeping a ton of information in your head and helps you track your results.

Replenish Energy

In the process of self-improvement, you will need additional strength. Where can you get them if everyday affairs and worries squeeze everything out of you without a trace? Now I will tell you about redundant power supplies.

First, ordinary sleep can be much more energizing if you learn to sleep properly. Catch a few simple rules: Organize your sleeping area properly. The sleeping room should be spacious and decorated in soothing colors. Let the bed be the place where you only sleep. Try not to watch TV while lying on it, do not eat, and even more so do not work. Go to bed no later than 23:00, otherwise you will not receive the necessary dose of melatonin – the sleep hormone. For the same reason, it is worth sleeping in complete darkness. Sleep at least 7 and no more than 9 hours a day.

An advanced way to get energized is meditation. Scientists have found that 15 minutes of deep meditation equates to one hour of sleep. How do you like this arithmetic? If you’ve never practiced meditation, here’s a video for beginners:

Eat Right

“Life is too short to limit oneself in food,” say food junk lovers, to somehow justify their lack of will. This phrase is the reason why people find it so difficult to get rid of their addictions. When delicious food is almost the only meaning of life, naturally, it will be very difficult to refuse it. If you are very addicted to food, consider if your life is too empty.

Do you have enough vivid impressions and emotions? Very often, with food, a person tries to get the hormones he lacks. For example, sweets are known to activate the production of serotonin, the hormone of joy. Therefore, prohibitions and strict restrictions on food do not lead to anything. Without your favorite candy, life begins to seem dull and bleak.

Before switching to proper nutrition, decide how you will fill the resulting void. For this, extreme sports, dancing, acting classes are perfect – those activities that catalyze the release of emotions. Read about the basics of healthy eating in our article “How to eat right”.

Read and Listen to Books

The book is one of the most important human creations. Do not deprive yourself of the pleasure of touching the wisdom and talent of great people. So that you do not wander in the labyrinths of the library, we have prepared for you a selection of the best books on self-development.

It contains books on achieving success, developing positive thinking, effective time management, and developing good habits. Each piece is a powerful motivator for positive changes and a storehouse of useful information.

Watch Helpful Videos

The modern achievements of mankind should not be neglected either. Videos are superior to books in terms of visibility, so be sure to include them in the list of useful tools for self-improvement. Add several self-development video-channels to your favorites and watch them whenever possible.

Try Something New

“It’s crazy to do the same thing while expecting a different result,” Albert Einstein once said. If you want major changes in your life, you need to start with small discoveries.

My 32-year-old friend, who has worked as a photographer for over ten years, decided to radically change his field of activity and become a digital marketer. He mastered the profession from scratch and is now successfully working in a new field. When asked what prompted him to make such global changes, he said that he once tried to write code and could not stop.

Do not be afraid to try things that you have never tried before: new sports, new food, new ways of earning money, new hairstyle, etc… You will never push your limits if you stumble in one place.

Attend Training Events

In our time, you need to run as fast to stay in place. The world is developing so fast that it is very difficult to keep up with it. Therefore, you should never stop learning.

Attend seminars, trainings in your main specialty, take refresher courses. But don’t limit yourself to professional skills. Surely there is still a lot that you do not know how, but which would very much like to learn. Many courses can be taken online today, saving time and money on travel.

Here are some ideas:

  • Investment courses,
  • Website building courses,
  • Video filming and editing courses,
  • Design courses,
  • Photography courses.

Get Rid of the Toxic Environment

It’s no secret that the environment greatly affects a person. There will be people on your way who can shake your resolve and faith in yourself. “You won’t succeed! They will say. – Stop doing nonsense!” If these are not your close relatives and not people with whom you have much in common, feel free to cut off contacts.

Without fiery speeches, accusations and claims – just reduce communication to nothing. If it is not possible to do this, for example, a “toxic” person works with you in the same office, learn not to react to his attacks. This skill will come in handy in your life.

Train Your Memory and Attention

If you want to keep your mind clear until old age, you need to constantly engage in cognitive training. I will give you a few simple recommendations for every day right now, and detailed instructions can be found in the article “How to develop memory”.

Follow the usual actions with your left hand. In the store, count in your head the cost of all the products in your basket. Memorize the numbers of cars passing by. Learn the capitals of the states – 3-4 a day. Solve puzzles. Track your progress and reward yourself Every step, even the smallest, on the path of self-improvement should be positively reinforced. Otherwise, the motivation will run out very quickly. Fortunately, evolution has already taken care of this and has built a complex neurochemical reward system into our brains. Reacting to perceived progress rewards us with a dose of joy hormones: dopamine and serotonin. This mechanism allows you to maintain a high level of motivation for a long time.

Now do you understand why we paid so much attention to goal setting and planning? Without them, it would be difficult for us to track indicators and record progress.

Recommendations for Men

Self Development
Self Development

I have prepared specific gender recommendations for self-improvement for you. They will help emphasize your strengths and achieve harmony. Let’s start with the men.

Develop Physical Strength

Strength training and cardio are a must. They can be diluted with game and extreme sports, sports tourism, yoga. If you haven’t done any of this before, start gradually. Study martial arts I have highlighted martial arts as a separate item, since this training is not so much for the body as for the spirit. They develop courage, patience, endurance – qualities that men need so much.

Train Your Male Character

In addition to the three listed, there are at least a dozen truly masculine traits. Diplomacy, endurance, ability to take responsibility, dedication and others. Think about which of these you have a limp, and focus on them.

Learn to Make Decisions

Every day a man has to make a lot of important decisions. The fate of other people, for example, wife and children, depends on some of them. If situations of serious choice baffle you, you need to learn to make decisions. Otherwise, one day you will hear an insulting “not a man” addressed to you.

Recommendations for Women

Self Development
Self Development

For the beautiful half of humanity, we also have some tips.

Look After Your Beauty and Take Care of Yourself

A man can be a little prettier than a monkey and still enjoy success with the opposite sex. For women, this trick will not work. Dedicate at least 5 hours a week to personal care.

Develop Physical Fitness

Dancing, aerobics, swimming, yoga, Pilates are perfect for women as physical activity. Strength training is also not worth neglecting, especially if the figure is far from ideal.

Read Books for Women

I do not mean the women’s tabloid novels and memoirs of Kim Kardashian. We have a selection of quality books for women for you – take a look.

Develop Feminine Energy

In the process of self-development, be sure to pay attention to the accumulation of feminine energy. The books that we talked about above and special women’s courses and practices will help you with this. Also try to cultivate the qualities traditionally considered feminine in yourself: gentleness, tolerance, mercy, altruism.

Refresh Your Wardrobe

Learn to dress modern and appropriate, highlight your strengths and hide flaws. I advise you to use the services of a stylist. He will set the vector for further independent work in this area.

Typical Mistakes at The Beginning of The Path

Self Development
Self Development

The path of self-development is not a smooth highway along which you will rush at breakneck speed into a bright future. Rather, it can be compared to a path in a dense jungle. On the way, you will encounter many obstacles. I will tell you about some so that you are ready for them.

Postponing Actions Until Later

In other words, procrastination. If you succumb to it once, you risk never getting to your destination. Therefore, be on the alert and do not indulge yourself. Don’t put off until tomorrow what you promised yourself to do today.


Every time you feel the urge to indulge in doing nothing, take on the work with a vengeance. Otherwise, laziness will very quickly destroy everything that you have achieved. Fight laziness until victory, spare no effort and resources.

Alignment with Other People’s Landmarks

Each person is unique; therefore, everyone has their own path. You should not blindly copy other people’s models. Pass all the information received through yourself and adapt to your characteristics. Remember, the only person with whom you have to compare yourself today is you from yesterday.

Taking Failure to Heart

Be prepared for the fact that not everything will work out for you the first time. This is normal. Think of mistakes and mistakes as valuable experience for the future. Learn to resist failure and not give up when faced with obstacles.

Fanaticism in Action

Some especially impressionable people literally rush into the pool with their heads when they light up with the idea of ​​self-development. They get stuck in this process and cannot think of anything else. Such fanaticism does not lead to anything good. Do not go to extremes, wisely dose the load, adhere to the rule of the golden mean.


The desire for self-development and self-realization is inherent in us by nature. It is impossible to achieve high results and become a successful person if you do not engage in self-improvement. Start working on yourself, and very soon you will reap the first fruits of your labor. And in just a year, you will be able to self-develop to dizzying heights. Who is ready to start right now? Let us know in the comments – I will definitely support you with a parting word.