Self-Esteem: How Can I Improve My Self Esteem?


The more confident a person is in his views, actions, powers, the more respect the people around him look at him, listen to him. I will talk about self-esteem – what it is, why it is valuable, how to raise self-esteem. For a woman, confidence and a sense of value are more important than for a man, because they are more painful to perceive criticism, in general, more critical of themselves, and also tend to be upset not only because of failures, but also because of imperfect appearance, carelessly thrown words.

The second term, is “I am a concept”, that is, how everyone sees themselves, what they consist of, what roles they play, and also how successful they feel in them. Social masks (and labels), such as mother, wife, daughter, colleague, are implemented to varying degrees. But if they harmoniously complement each other, then a person with developed self-esteem and self-confidence is obtained.

What Does Self-Esteem Mean?

If we compare self confidence and self-esteem, then the second term is narrower, since it covers only a person’s opinion of himself. While the first state presupposes a combination of self-esteem and healthy ambitions, as well as the assessment of an external, outside observer.

Let’s analyze the signs:

  • High demands on yourself. The owner of self-esteem will never ask more from others than from himself. This also applies to behavior, and actions, and appearance.
  • Neatness. He will never allow himself to be slovenly (in clothes, in cleaning the apartment), he knows that cleaning up dirt is not shameful, much worse is to live in it.
  • Good manners towards acquaintances and strangers. It is not pretentious and ostentatious, but goes for granted.
  • Awareness of your own boundaries. He does not perceive intrusion into the limits of “I”, unsolicited advice, criticism, since he clearly evaluates his persona.
  • There is no pride, that is, he does not show himself off, comparing with less successful, does not self-actualize at someone else’s expense. He can be proud, but only of real achievements. At the same time, he is not inclined to exceed his merits or extol them – only an objective assessment of achievements.
  • There is no selfishness – a person does not violate other people’s rights, boundaries, interests, does not put them at the expense of his own, since he values ​​other people.
  • Respect for himself, he values ​​his time and strength, understands why he and others can respect him.
  • Comparison not with the weaker or stronger, but with oneself “yesterday”, “today” and “tomorrow”. Such a person is not guided by famous biographies, their successes and failures, as well as relatives, examples in the family. He does not strive to become better than mom, dad, but only to develop and grow every day in relation to his previous achievements.
  • He reaches a successful end in any undertaking for which he embarks. A person does not throw himself into several tasks, being sure that this is beyond his power, but immediately takes on tasks that he is guaranteed to successfully complete.
  • Inner calmness – there is no place for involuntary depression and spontaneous hysteria.
  • Reliability. Every word given, promise will be fulfilled. It is these people that friends and relatives call when they are in trouble, because they are sure of it.
  • Confident position in front of those who are stronger (older, higher in status, richer), and decent behavior with those who are weaker.
  • Composure. In any difficult, exciting and unforeseen situation, even if doubts and worries creep into the soul, a person with CSD can take control of himself and the situation.
  • The leader, not the follower. He will not follow the lead of the crowd, he will be guided by a single opinion and will not report on it.
  • Responsibility for actions, words, thoughts. There is no need to transfer blame or obligation to another.
  • People who are nearby are automatically treated with respect, do not dare to be rude, offend, or belittle the person. They are imbued with trust, in part it is taken from the inside – from self-respect.

Why A Sense of Self Worth is Important?

This character trait helps both in personal life and in career, social activities. It can be developed during childhood or adulthood. The main ways of becoming PTSD parents are encouraging, teaching independence, the habit of evaluating the actions of the child and voicing what they lead to – both good and bad, as well as accustoming to responsibility for their own actions. An adult can develop independently in a similar way, we list why:

  • To become a leader who is respected. They follow the leader, listen to the point of view, listen to advice.
  • Do not become a victim – the behavior of the constantly offended and humiliated leads to failures in his personal life and at work. The initial attitude to defeat leads to real failures – those around them begin to ignore or humiliate, “poison” the psychologically sacrificial type of people. Women of this type often marry a husband prone to domestic violence or a despotic, totalitarian man.
  • Seeing success first, not failure. A black streak happens to everyone, however, you can’t dwell on failure. Such a pessimistic view leads to real blunders, problems – there are more of them, the load puts pressure on a person who can break. A developed sense of self-worth leads to an optimistic approach to life.
  • People around them often treat people who do not respect themselves badly. They see uncertainty, subconsciously believing that it is justified.

Here is an example: a woman with a low self esteem, when applying for a job, says that she has little experience, shyly lists her places of work, talks about the reasons for her dismissal, shows her feelings. As a result, the head of the HR department believes that the candidate is incompetent and not interested in the position.

The second has good self-esteem and self-confidence. She “from the doorway” shows that she is confident in the successful performance of duties, even if she has no experience, notes her positive qualities and does not give rise to doubts about the possibilities. Even if the first applicant was more educated and competent, had more experience, there is a 99% probability of choosing the second one.

We conclude: Self confidence is what makes the people around you from the very beginning to treat you with respect, and you yourself – to have goals, not to be afraid to achieve them, and not to get upset over mistakes, but only to draw conclusions.

When it Helps?

I have already noted that this is not some kind of narrow competence that is needed only at a specific moment. This is a position in life that is always involved. Self-esteem does not turn on and off, it just is. This is a non-congenital feature that is available to some and not to others, on the contrary, everyone can get good self-esteem. If you are having difficulty with this, have lost faith in yourself, or have felt like a victim and not a leader since early childhood, I recommend signing up for my consultation .

I will list life situations and areas of life where you need to have self-esteem:

  • Romance and Marriage. Self-dignity of a woman helps to attract men who are self-confident. Usually, next to a strong and purposeful lady, you rarely find a man who is able to raise his hand or a drinker – such guys themselves have very low self-esteem, which means that they are simply afraid to approach a lady who, by one skill, is head and shoulders above them. Therefore, next to you there will be a life partner who is not afraid of new achievements, ready to improve himself and support you in your endeavors. Men who are next to a girl with a low heart rate often consciously or subconsciously try to limit the scope of women’s achievements and achievements. Often it looks like this: the husband builds a career, develops, goes to the gym and makes business acquaintances, while the wife stays at home with the children and is limited to everyday life.
  • Family, Raising Children. The younger generation looks at parents, wanting to find an example to follow. Confidence is a trait that completely helps to gain the respect of the weaker, and a child up to a certain age is a priori weaker than an adult. If your son / daughter does not find such an example, authority in you, he will look among the environment. It is good if it becomes a teacher or a father of a family, but it can be a “bad guy” from the senior class who just does not suffer from low self-esteem. Only a strong and self-confident person can really properly raise children, instill in them good manners and habits , share with them an interest in sports, studies, art.
  • Career. We have already given an example with two applicants. It follows from it that understanding the value of one’s personality, one’s own successes, and achievements is an important quality when applying for a job, as well as when negotiating, communicating with bosses, and building business ties. The insecure employee is first on the list for layoffs, as well as overtime, unpaid sick leave, and no promotion. Self confidence will help you climb the career ladder, get a position that matches your competence, and also develop and improve yourself in order to achieve more every year.
  • Friendship and Camaraderie. Any communication (interpersonal, business) can take place according to two patterns: “equal to equal” or “subordinate to the boss”. These schemes work in all situations. Scandalous behavior is one of the signs of low self-esteem.

This is an incomplete list of situations from spheres of life where self-esteem will help. It is always important, at every moment. You should wake up in the morning with the thought that you are a significant and irreplaceable part for your family and company.

You may also like to read: Self Improvement Ideas: 9 Most Effective Self Improvement Ideas & Practical Guide.

Risks with Inadequate CSR

Without developing this quality, a person can get:

  • uncertainty in their actions;
  • shame for your words;
  • susceptibility to manipulation by others;
  • depressive moods;
  • low social status;
  • low ambitions, and at the same time – a complete absence of aspirations and achievements.

This psychological pathology (and this is undoubtedly a big mistake at the time of raising a child) leads to dissonance in every area of ​​life, and at the same time – to a constant bad mood, negative thinking.

The Personal Dignity of a Man

This characteristic of the representative of the stronger sex is inherent in those who know their place in life, most likely, he has already found his path, including a career, or is in an active search. This is a person who judges his pros and cons, not seeking constant approval. I will list the characteristic features:

  • Doesn’t act for the sake of other people’s opinions, their consent.
  • Does not offend others, rising in comparison.
  • Defends his position.
  • Sets goals and achieves them.
  • Has a personality personality.
  • She is not afraid of mistakes, but finds experience in them, no longer repeats mistakes.
  • He always keeps composure, does not show negative emotions.

Personal Dignity of a Woman

This feeling can be compared to inner harmony – a girl begins to listen to her own desires, sees her own strengths and weaknesses, develops the former and eliminates the latter. Specific traits:

  • She takes care of her own body – not for the sake of conformity to “standards”, but to maintain health and contentment with her reflection.
  • Allows you to take care of yourself – accepts compliments and gifts with gratitude, does not strive to do everything yourself, gives a man the right to perform “male” duties.
  • Does not ask for love, but only gives reasons to be loved. Never “runs” after a young man.
  • She skillfully shares domestic problems and joys with work moments, never prefers one to the complete detriment of another, finds compromises, remains a good employee and a loving mother, wife.

How to Develop Self-Esteem?

This trait is laid down and formed in childhood. From an early age, parents are taught to be responsible for their actions, independent and purposeful, as well as praise for achievements, are proud of their child.

It happens that reproaches, words about disappointment, a symptom of learned helplessness lead to low self-esteem in adulthood. Then you need to re-learn to respect yourself. In childhood, develops self confidence:

  • praise for good deeds, acquired skills, but not commendable reward for each step;
  • encouragement of aspirations and assistance in achieving the set goals;
  • accustoming to responsibility for misconduct.

How to Recover from Setbacks?

Sometimes there are times when you completely lose faith in yourself – after a streak of setbacks in your personal life or work. To regain your self-confidence and self-esteem, I recommend:

  • Improve physical fitness and gain new knowledge, improve yourself. Sign up for yoga and cooking classes, find a good book, and go for further education.
  • Achieve goals. Have you always wanted to be a fashion designer? Take the courses, master the rules of sewing and finally get the sewing machine out of the attic.
  • Know the norms of behavior in society and law, laws.

How to Save Your Self-Esteem?

In order not to lose good self-esteem, you should:

  • Don’t stop there.
  • Remember that everyone can make mistakes.
  • To treat any person with respect, any situation, behavior is his conscious choice.
  • Praise yourself for positive qualities, achievements, and always strive to correct negative ones.

In this article, I talked about how to cultivate self-esteem. If you feel that you cannot handle it yourself, sign up for my personal consultation. If you like this post, please share it to your friends and social community. You may follow us on social media TwitterFacebook or Telegram Channel to stay updated and read the more articles like this.