The desire to be needed and to build good relationships for many turns into a question, why are they unlucky in love? This is especially true for formally prosperous and attractive individuals. If a person has a lot of problems, he is socially disadvantaged, then questions about the problematic nature of his personal life are not surprising, but when beautiful and promising, smart and erudite cannot create something strong and harmonious from time to time, then it is worth finding the reasons for such misunderstandings.
Usually, all the problems of the sphere of relations are not in the external environment, events or partners, but in the personality traits and traumas of the unlucky one, and perhaps in the absence of examples of successful interaction. Some do not know how to prioritize or have impaired social and personal interactions. There are differences for those who fail to have their first romance and who get divorced for the fourth time, so the reasons may differ depending on gender, but still the main snag will be in personality traits or established habits.
A common pattern of behavior is to act in relation to those stereotypes that were laid down in behavior by past generations or childhood feelings. The desire to live in a fairy tale, love a princess, date a knight, or act like your own grandmother is a common reason why good people are unlucky in love. Their perception of life remains immature, invented from the world of childhood dreams, where people are divided into good and bad, so they can endlessly seek someone perfect, not understanding that everyone has flaws and there are no fairy-tale characters, or arrange a series of novels and disappointments when the princess in everyday life turns out to be a witch.
The next mistake, why you are unlucky in love, is the translation of the parental bad experience into your own family life. So a child whose parents are divorced or where there was physical and moral abuse has a reduced ability to trust the world and people.
The closer and deeper the interaction becomes, the more the level of anxiety and the possibility of repeating the parental bad experience increase, after which the person shows distrust, aggression and other negative moments that destroy the relationship. This is possible both with a real lack of trust, and if the person has not compromised himself in any way – constant accusations of what the other has not done begin to undermine good interaction.
The style of communication with a partner implies adherence to certain cultural norms, and if the behavior is slightly better than the animal, then the development of any relationship will be inhibited. High sexuality, common plans and hobbies do not cost anything if ignorance of the elementary rules of behavior is constantly annoying – snobbery regarding the fact that you need to choose a pair of your class is due to this very important moment.
This also includes disinterest in the existential and everyday problems of others, when only one is present, talking about his achievements or complaining about his troubles, planning time where he is interested, without taking into account the needs and interests of the other.
For those trying to build not the first relationship, the reason for failure may be a comparison of the present partner with the past, and it does not matter if this is done aloud or in an internal dialogue. While you remember that bad things have been done, keep track of similar calls and try to prevent negativity, you can overlook that phrases just turn out to be similar, you exaggerate some actions due to painful experience. He has nothing to do with a new person and really loves, but this love has nowhere to unfold among past traumas. Those who cannot start their first relationship are often hindered by fear, the basis of which can be both their own low self-esteem and numerous versions that relationships only bring pain.
Why is a Woman Unlucky in Love?
Women are more dramatizing their failures, and why the beautiful are unlucky in love remains a mystery to the public. By a certain age, childhood and adolescent complexes are also traumatized from communication in adulthood. The burden of all not established relationships and someone’s caustic remarks presses. As a result, self-worth falls and the woman is ready to literally beg in search of a piece of warmth and praise.
Such an emotional state attracts only despots and tyrants, who only aggravate the state and make the next relationship impossible. To break this circle, you need to take a pause, stop looking for recharge outside, and focus on restoring your inner world and those supports that will remain regardless of the person’s attitude. Some are helped by coaches, others by deep psychotherapy, many are using spiritual practices or travel – everything is suitable for establishing inner balance.
A woman usually already knows what she wants from a man, so instead of accepting, she tries to fit a mature person into her image. It is wiser to look for someone with whom it is already good now, without anguish and desire to change something, and the desire to present oneself in a favorable light in order to keep a man or then manipulate him to conform to his ideas will lead to scandals or another breakup.
The more negative, frustrating and unstable relationships (including the parental family) there was, the higher the level of tension in the interaction. A woman takes on more maternal functions and can constantly monitor the behavior and emotional state of her husband, his behavior and thoughts – total control, where it is impossible to breathe for both destroys the next relationship in her life.
Why is a Girl Unlucky in Love?
Girls may meet the impossibility of building a love relationship, since they initially have inflated requirements for the chosen one. From childhood, many are told that they need a good boy, read fairy tales about princes, inflate self-esteem, regardless of real dignity. But good boys are not real, and the best girl is spoiled enough to be disgusting.
Most of the written beauties consider love as an investment and demand golden mountains from partners for their appearance, those who believe in parental words of praise can be very burned about the fact that there are more beautiful, intelligent girls in the world, while still with normal self-esteem and kindness. Personal exaggerated requirements do not allow seeing a real person, and if self-esteem is greatly reduced, then the girl does not believe that she is loved, perceiving this either as a mockery or as a threshold of use.
Any preconceived attitude is dictated by a high level of anxiety. Only the construction of a pre-selected picture, the requirements for a person and the unwillingness to see him as true with slight surprise, while exploring the new world, leads to the same requirements from him. The more schematic the attitude towards the guy, the more schematic he will relate to her, and then regrets about insincerity will come.
Fear is also strongly influenced, here everyone has their own reasons – someone is afraid of being abandoned or of hearing unflattering reviews, others are afraid that after a date they will ruin their reputation with gossip, some are afraid to open up and let them in. As a result, the personality and needs are hidden, and the girl tries to please, to please, to predict, but it is impossible to interest her with the mask. The more play in building relationships, the shorter-term the romance.
Why a Man is not Lucky in Love?
Considering why a guy is unlucky in love, we will come across classic universal reasons for the influence of the parental family and past experience, but there are also exclusively gender characteristics. If girls are more and more inherent in insecurity and low self-esteem, then guys are hampered by excessive self-confidence. As a result, they do not notice the personality, but only the trophy, which does not contribute to the establishment of contact. Self-presentation in such men is too pretentious, built on many sexual moments, which can embarrass the opposite sex or cause frank laughter when the real picture does not strongly correspond to self-esteem.
Considering women to be materialistic, many try to test their feelings by the lack of gifts and material investments in their lady. It looks like greed or inability to contain. Elementary courtship, donated flowers (from a flower bed or one rose) – this should be. Because it directly makes a woman’s heart melt. If a man divides everything in half and does not spoil his woman in any way, then partnerships are built where there is no place for love.
Stereotypes instilled in childhood can cause a guy to reach many social heights at first – this is only part of the truth, where social and professional fulfillment is really important. If such a position is invested at an early age, then there is no end to the achievements – the man will be sure that he is not rich enough, handsome, smart or always successful. A similar bar can be set for certain women – there are wonderful, but lonely, because everyone thought that he would not pull her out or she was already busy. This is a mutual problem, but the root cause is in men’s assessment of themselves and women as some representatives of a social and class rank, and not as individuals.
What to Do to Be Lucky in Love?
The concept of luck in a relationship is far from a coincidence or luck as in a lottery – this requires either good initial conditions (a family with warm harmonious relationships), or serious work, both on one’s own personality and relationships. To start with increasing self-esteem and arranging your own happiness, if you constantly wait for the beginning of a great romance, then it will not start.
Everyone wants to be around happy, fulfilling people who are energizing and enjoyable, and no one wants to become an emotional donor who constantly pulls another out of depression. It is necessary to become happy and then look for with whom such happiness can be shared. If, instead of taking an infantile path, she began to take responsibility and can build her day and year in the direction of harmony and happiness, then a worthy person will soon appear nearby. The only requirement is truth, and not a performance of enacted happiness, since true love is possible for the soul, not the picture.
Regarding work in the relationship itself, it takes a lot of patience, understanding and readiness for the fact that scandals, reproaches, discontent and misunderstandings are normal. Beautiful Instagram pictures are far from reality, and these people also grumble in the morning, swear over a wrinkled T-shirt and a charger lost by someone. It is necessary to learn dialogues and compromises, the ability to listen and really hear the other, do not hesitate to ask questions and clarify incomprehensible topics, instead of hushing up. Absence of neglect even in small things, talking about important things – this is the way, and the main thing is to be open with others.
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